The Last Airbender: New Chapters RP
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The Last Airbender: New Chapters RP - take a roleplay voyage through the world of The Last Airbender.
 
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 sartorius sardines [wip]

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PostSubject: sartorius sardines [wip]   sartorius sardines [wip] EmptyThu Oct 24, 2013 2:55 pm

Full Name:sartorius Shàoqiáng nicknames the black ninja and his most common nickname one he gave to himself is shadow whenever asked for his name he usually tells the person to call him shadow
Gender:male
Age:15
Element:firebender
Birthplace:
Position:none
Training: firebending [beginner]
katana [intermediate]
yumi bow [intermediate]
tracking [beginner]
intonjutsu [intermediate]
tenmon [beginner]
taijutsu [intermediate]
kenjutsu [beginner]
hensojutsu [intermediate]
genjutsu [intermidate]
Personality:Sartorius is a loner, to put it bluntly. He is rarely seen with others for an extended period of time, and distances himself from essentially everyone. He is usually soft-spoken, and only says what he needs to before a fight. If Shadow makes a threat, he has every intention of carrying it out. He has a ruthless edge in combat. At times, Sartorius can be very violent and merciless. Sartorius ruthlessness and aggression can lead to fear and a nervousness that inhibits people from his unshakable intent or sheer power in combat. Alongside his dark and violent demeanor, Sartorius can be smug and stubborn. He treats others in a very callous manner, throwing in his opinion no matter how cold-hearted it is and not caring for whatever the response is. He can be highly arrogant and self absorbed. He is also consistently serious. he will pursue his foes with disturbing determination. Sartorius also possesses a strong sense of identity. Sartorius is not without sentimental emotions and has shown a small sense of compassion from time to time. Sartorius brushes off any kindness or sympathy that is sent his way. Despite Sartorius being considered neutral in terms of alignment, he is considered an anti-hero by the most part with his overall motivation, which is dedicating his life to protecting mankind. He has also known to be selfless. Regardless, Sartorius is still neutral, because he does whatever is necessary to get what he wants.



Abilities: while he knows very little firebending he knows he enough to help him survive the main firebending techniques he knows is the fire jab and the fire breath he is trying to figure out how to combine the ninjutsu skills he knows with firebending.  he is able to use the skills he has learned so far from intonjutsu to sneak quietly past his opponents and also be able to somewhat survive in the wilderness on his own. his tenmon training taught him to understand and use meteorology as a strategic weapon being able to foresee weather changes and use them to his advantage. chi-mon taught him the discipline of geography and how to understand it and use it to his advantage. when he is forced to fight empty handed without a weapon he relies on his taijutsu being able to put up a fight when it comes down to hand to hand combat. his genjutsu taught him how to use his weapons and use them to his advantage. his shurikenjutsu training taught him how to use shuriken and taught him not to use them as a primary weapon. his training in kayakujutsu taught him how to handle and use black powder. his hensojutsu training taught him how to be able to disguise himself and impersonate other peoples and their voices.


Appearance:sartorius is a tall, tanned, muscular young man. He wears a white hood and a black mask, with his eyes being the only visible part of his face when he is relaxing. Underneath, his mouth is stitched together at the edges and he has long dark brown hair. His eyes are gold. His entire body is covered with various stitches and predominantly appeared to be sewn together. He wears armor that is designed after the fire nation soldiers light armor. just like the  fire nation soldiers light armor his includes a simple cone helmet with leather neck guard, a combination of shoulder pads and armored collar and a leathern, sleeveless robe, and heavy boots. While his armor is designed after the fire nation soldiers light armor his armor does not contain any sign of the fire nation emblem and has a primary color of black with dark blue flames embroidered by a dark red color.


Height: 185 cm
Weight:93.2 kg muscular
Eyes: gold
Hair:black
Skin: white



Weaponry & Other Gear: (Omit this field if no such items)

Item Name katana
Materials:Tamahagane for the blade and bamboo for the handle
Descriptionlooks just like any other ordinary katana nothing too special about it but it was passed down from first born to first born in his family

Item Name bo shuriken
Materials:steel
Description: looks just like a regular bo shuriken long small and looks like a very small stake

Item Name hira shuriken
Materials:iron
Description:looks just like a plain hira shuriken or also known as the throwing star

Item Name ninjato (sword)
Materials:steel for the blade and bamboo for the handle
Description:he rarely uses this sword since it is much poor quality then his katana but the sword looks just like a regular ninjato (sword)

Item Name yumi bow
Materials:bamboo and silk leather
Description:its just a regular bow and quiver set

Item Namearrows
Materials:bamboo and steel
Description:nothing to important about the arrows just regular arrows these aren't even dipped in poison


Item Name ninja kaginawa
Materials:hook made out of steel and rope
Description:all it is is a hook tied to some rope that is used to scale walls or hook boats to docks its really easy to make and not much work to be done in order to make it

Item Name armor
Materials:steel
Description:his armor is his main clothing he almost never takes it off

History: (320)


**OPTIONAL**
Sample RP:*Optional only for members who have done a sample RP with an intermediate-tier character before* (210 words minimum, must be from character's point of view--3rd person and 1st person acceptable)

Character Box:


Last edited by sartorius on Thu Oct 24, 2013 5:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Zulera
Elite Member
Zulera


Posts : 1140
EXP : 20825
Birthday : 1991-01-16
Join date : 2012-01-22
Age : 33
Location : Everywhere

Character Description
Age: 30
Position: Avatar
Nation: Water Tribes

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PostSubject: Re: sartorius sardines [wip]   sartorius sardines [wip] EmptyThu Oct 24, 2013 3:14 pm

okay, so regardless of it not being finished, I'm going to have to point out a few rather large flaws from the get-go here.
Most of the grammar and such is fine, although please separate and punctuate even the shorter sections when you can, please. This won't count against you in approval or rejection, but it helps to be literate. our founder didn't have English as his first language but he still followed this rule even. That, and "Sardines" isn't really an Asian-sounding name, unless it's pronounced differently?

Now for the things that would have to change. Foremost, even if they are just at beginner/intermediate level, there's no realistic way that someone that young can know that many skills (batman doesn't count). as things stand, he's got more skills than years of his life. that hardly seems reasonable, wouldn't you say?

Also, 185 cm and 93.2kg is not "skinny". that's like a 6'1" 205 pound American football player. Someone of such height and weight would be a very solidly built fellow (or fat, but solid seems more likely).
And a bit minorly, but the only acceptable "unusual" eye color for non-supernatural characters sis gold/yellow, since it was seen in the show. we're kinda lenient on that and hair color, but we don't want to start straying too far off.

Now, know that this is by no means a rejection--just a small list of things that you might need to change a bit.I hope it helps. Feel free to drop me a line if you have any questions.
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PostSubject: Re: sartorius sardines [wip]   sartorius sardines [wip] EmptyThu Oct 24, 2013 5:47 pm

all right fixed some of the sheet and ill work on the grammar as soon as i can
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Neekla
Junior Member
Neekla


Posts : 17
EXP : 220
Birthday : 1994-08-26
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 29
Location : Chicago

Character Description
Age: 17
Position:
Nation: Water Tribes

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PostSubject: Re: sartorius sardines [wip]   sartorius sardines [wip] EmptyMon Nov 18, 2013 11:33 pm

Sartorius. What a great name. Some other inspiring names are Gastrocnemius, Soleus, Gracilis and Gluteus Medius Smile I might just make a character named Calcaneus.
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Sanaki
Senior Member
Sanaki


Posts : 230
EXP : 5075
Birthday : 1991-01-16
Join date : 2011-11-09
Age : 33
Location : A place

Character Description
Age: 47
Position: None
Nation: Fire Nation

sartorius sardines [wip] Empty
PostSubject: Re: sartorius sardines [wip]   sartorius sardines [wip] EmptyMon Nov 18, 2013 11:53 pm

scraps, there's no need to post in other peoples' profiles unless you're a mod.

Anyhoo, I am REJECTING this one due to inactivity.
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PostSubject: Re: sartorius sardines [wip]   sartorius sardines [wip] Empty

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